


Borrowed Time

by spacewritermonkey



Category: Warrior Nun (TV)
Genre: Angst?, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25464463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacewritermonkey/pseuds/spacewritermonkey
Summary: What do you do when the battle is over?What do you do when you’ve fought the good fight?
Relationships: Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva
Comments: 12
Kudos: 166





	Borrowed Time

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since I lost my mom a couple of months ago, it's been a roller-coaster of emotions every damn day.  
> I've been holding off on writing anything angst-y lest I fail to crawl out of the hole I dig for myself.  
> But, I'm hoping my pattern of writing things out won't fail me.  
> So here it is. I tried not to delve too deeply. But I suppose a fair warning nonetheless.

_Every fight needs mending_

_Every start has an end_

With the kind of life they led, pain, loss, and grief were expected. They didn’t pretend that despite living on hope, a part of them felt like they had already resigned a foot underneath the ground. And it was fine. It kept them alert and on their guard.

But…what do you do when the battle is over?

What do you do when you’ve fought the good fight?

You won. Against all odds, you and your fellow sister warriors won the fight of the millennia. And even better, you’re all still alive. A little worse for wear, but alive.

And so…what now?

_Oh, it's good to be true_

_If our hopes and dreams come true_

When you fell in love with her, you fell deep and hard. It was like there was no end to the depths of your feelings. And the way she looked at you, it seemed as if there was no other way to go but towards each other. In the midst of training every day, the fights on a near-daily basis, the battles that cost them lives and nearly their own, the struggle to look past their own desires, it was all too easy to get lost in the whirlwind that was their love for each other.

The first couple of days after, their days were filled with a reaffirmation of their lives. They were still here and still alive.

In the next few weeks that followed, it seemed that certain members of the OCS were being transferred.

At first, they suspected another political manipulation until they realized that fellow members were requesting the reassignment.

 _It was time,_ they mostly said.

The OCS was formed under a purpose that was disproven and repurposed justly so. The rest of the battle are now unfortunately left unto the hands of the ordinary human. There was nothing else to do.

Surprisingly, it was Camila who delivered the news of her own wish to transfer. When she announced her plans over dinner, the others spared a glance at Mary, who rolled her eyes in exasperation but said nothing.

It was hard, but they let their “baby” go.

Lilith followed not too long after. But called it a sabbatical. Claimed she needed to figure things out if being a nun is still something that she wanted for herself after everything that happened.

Mary lingered but Ava and Beatrice knew that she was getting restless.

“I’m going to see my mother and figure things out from there,” was all she said.

“We were actually expecting you to go first,” Ava shrugs, but with a lilt at the end of her sentence, asking a silent question.

Mary took a deep breath, exhaled, then “I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.”

To say Ava was taken aback would have been an understatement.

Mary left the next day.

But the seed was planted.

_Love on borrowed time_

_Will never be yours nor mine_

In a few more weeks since Mary left, it became more and more apparent to Ava that she just didn’t fit in with the nuns. Not anymore.

She wasn’t useless. She was all but an honorary nun at this point with how everyone knew her and she knew everyone. She helped in chores and all but joined them during prayers and masses.

Ava had come so far after all.

But she didn’t want to overstay her welcome.

So she asked Beatrice.

“I was thinking about visiting home,” she replied.

“Oh! When do we leave? Why didn’t you say so?” Ava’s excitement dropped at the look on her girlfriend’s face.

It’s the same dilemma that has long been plaguing their relationship. The same gray cloud that had yet to truly dissipate.

_It never satisfies_

_Living my life in a lie_

It was easy getting caught up in each other, not knowing if tomorrow would be their last.

But with the rest of tomorrows stretched out before them, the inevitable was now.

They’ve battled the present. They won a future.

And as much as it pained Ava to admit, Beatrice still had to face her past.

In a hidden alcove that they had long declared to themselves as theirs, Beatrice has tears running down her face as she cradled Ava’s face in her hands. “I don’t want to say goodbye. I want to promise you the rest of my life, Ava. You must believe me. I love you. That was never a lie.”

Ava’s tears are just as incessant as she grabs one of Beatrice’s hands, placing her lips against her palm, trying to store everything in that moment to memory. The taste of her tears against Beatrice’s skin, the callous in both of their hands, the smell of the green and stone around them, and then the scent that was uniquely Beatrice’s.

“I wish I can come with you.”

Beatrice had a past to face, but Ava…Ava still had so much of the present to live for.

“Ava—” Beatrice begins but Ava shakes her head and whispers in a fierce tone, “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“But…” Beatrice trails off, the pain lingering in her eyes.

Ava knows she will have to be strong for them both now. “You figure out what you need to figure out. Do it for yourself. I’ve had years in bed to figure out mine,” she adds wryly.

She continues, “This may be hard for you to grasp but, be selfish for now. Try not to think of me. Think about what you want.”

“It’ll be impossible not to think of you.” Beatrice sniffles, leaning her forehead against Ava’s.

“Bea?” Ava whispers so softly that the other girl nearly misses it had their lips not been mere centimetres apart.

“Yes?”

“You’ve always been so strong and courageous for others. Do it for yourself now, okay? And never be afraid that one choice is more favorable than the other simply because it means not being alone.”

Ava grasps the sides of Beatrice’s face in her hands, her thumbs belying the nearly coarse gesture with soft caresses against Beatrice’s cheekbones.

“No matter what choice you make, you’ll never be alone. And you’ll always have someone in your corner. You’ll always have someone who loves you so deeply.”

And the tears fall once more as Ava cradles Beatrice’s head within her arms, buried against the crook of her neck, with gentle shushes that meant to soothe.

Ava can discard her own self-interests for now. She can do it for Beatrice. Forget her own breaking heart. She’s used to it.

“I suppose it’d be poor taste to mention I meant Lilith, right?”

The half-sob and half-laugh Beatrice emitted against Ava’s neck assures the former warrior nun more that perhaps they’ll be okay. They can make it.

_Wish that I had more_

_Of this borrowed time_

_If only it would last a lifetime._

In the darkness, a question is whispered.

“In this life or the next?”

“In this life, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next, and the next…” and the words continued like a mantra...a prayer, which trailed off as sleep took what was left of their borrowed time.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by lyrics from "Borrowed Time" by Cueshe. It's on Spotify if anyone wants to give it a listen.


End file.
